“…DENVER, CO—Exhausted by having to manually extend Colorado’s mask mandate each month, Governor Jared Polis logged into the “Governor’s Dashboard” section of the state’s website and set the mandate to automatically renew each month for an additional 30 days.
“I just found this feature. I should’ve done it months ago,” Polis admits. “Everyone knows I’m going to keep extending the mandate, but this way I don’t even have to think about it, it just happens.”
“Come over here and take a look,” exclaimed Polis, as he excitedly offered The Oyster a glimpse of his computer. “All I did was click this button here and, boom, another 30 days with the masks.”
During the demonstration, the governor was quick to point out the additional controls he has at his fingertips. “The interface is pretty slick. I can shut down churches by clicking on this tab. It’s that easy!”
When asked whether greater care and consideration should be taken before making these types of decisions, Polis seemed to ignore the question altogether. ”Check this one out,” he said as he waved us back over, pointing to his monitor. “If I go here, I can click to select which businesses are essential.”
After watching the governor explore the website for an hour, we headed for the door. “Wait,” he yelled. “Which color do you like better to add to the COVID dial? Lilac or Burgundy?”…”
Satire? Hard to tell?
